Life Sucks and Then You Die... Or Do You?

Finding God’s Light in the Darkest Moments

In the fall of 2017, I was at an all-time low. Unemployed, facing eviction, my car getting repossessed, and losing my children because we would be homeless. The devil was all in my mind and thoughts. I was in a pit. Deep in it, and I couldn't see a way out. I was ready to give up. Death seemed to be the best option. The only solution. I couldn't see a way forward, but God had other plans. Here’s a look into my journal from September 3, 2017.

Life sucks and then you die.
That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

Right now, that’s my reality. Life sucks. It sucks so bad that all I want to do is curl up in a ball and disappear. I’m over everything. I don’t know what to do.

Will – in order. Check.
Kids – provided for. Check.
What’s keeping me here? Nothing.

I’m drained. Defeated. Worthless. A failure. Unneeded.

I’ve given until there’s nothing left to give, and when I need help, no one is there. No miracle from on high. No fairy godmother to swoop in and make it alright. Just silence. Darkness. Emptiness.

The rent is due – don’t have it.
Car payment – nope, not in the mail.
Lights, cable, cell phone – you guessed it. Can’t pay them either.
Severance is gone, my business is slow, and I’m not making enough to cover the bills. Failure on all sides.

I’ve been applying for jobs for months, but no bites. Too experienced, too old, too something. I don’t even qualify for assistance. In 30 days, I will lose my home, my car, and my kids because we will have nowhere to go.

I’ve knocked on every door. Walmart won’t have me. Target, Burlington, Ross—nothing. Contract work—nope. McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Kroger, Food Lion—more silence. The rejection is one thing, but the silence? That’s deafening. That’s humiliating.

Tomorrow’s my birthday, but if I didn’t wake up to see it, I’d be okay. There is nothing to celebrate. Nothing to show for the past year, and nothing to look forward to for the next.

Life sucks and then you die… Or do you?

But God…

This is where I have to stop myself. This is where I have to remind myself of the truth—God’s truth, not the lies of defeat swirling in my mind. Because, yes, life is hard. It is unfair. It is exhausting. But it is not hopeless.

Because God is still here.

The silence I hear? It doesn’t mean He’s absent.

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)

Even when I feel alone, He has never left me. Even when I have nothing, He is still my provider.

“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19)

I may not see a way out, but He does.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

The darkness whispers that I’ve failed, but God says I am His, and I am not finished yet.

Holding On to Hope

Maybe you’ve been here, too—at the edge of hopelessness, drowning in doubt. Maybe you’ve whispered the same words I have. If you have, let me tell you something: this is not the end of your story.

I don’t have all the answers, and I won’t pretend I do. But I know that even when life feels unbearable, God is still working. Even when I feel forgotten, He sees me. Even when I feel unworthy, His love has not changed.

So today, I choose to hold on. Not because I feel strong, but because God is strong enough for me. I choose to believe that this valley is not the end of my journey. And if you’re struggling, I pray you hold on, too. Because even when life sucks—especially when life sucks—God’s love never does.

A Future with God

Seven years ago, I had lost my hope, my way. I couldn’t see a future, but I reached out in faith, and God brought me through. Today, things are so much better regarding my faith and dependence on God. I trust Him so much more than I ever thought possible, and even when things go awry—and trust me, they do—I still hold on to my hope, my faith, and my dependence on Him to bring me through it. He is always by my side, holding me and carrying me when I'm too weak to do it myself.

Where are you struggling? What’s holding you back and making you doubt that there is a future for you and that God has left you? Share in the comments below. Let’s come together and pray.

The scripture says,

“For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.” Matthew 18:20

He will hear, and His will shall be done.

Trust and believe. I have, I do, and I will.